This year has thrown some huge situations at me that have meant I have had to lean into my tools, self-belief and rooted space more than ever.
If this number of tragic situations had occurred in this short period previously to working on my needs, it wouldn't have been handled this way. I'd have been a heap and lost myself entirely because this is what I would do in the past.
Ali said to me that this year has been royally shit.
And ya know, with all the grief, challenge and situations thrown at us, I still don't feel this.
As I lay in the sea with my new vibrant purple five-pound second-hand bikini on, the sun beaming on my face between the first and second sauna session of the morning post-school drop-off, I reflected on what was coming up for me. And it wasn't: 'fuck you, universe.'
I've surrendered many, many times in life. In therapy sessions, I often say, 'Life just really, really throws things at me.'
And we all get shit thrown at us, and it often pours rather than rains.
But it often feels like everything is a fight.
And as a result.
I put up a magnificent fight.
Things like having to really fight for my degree because of a car accident (in my book, I write about this gaslighting scenario) or having my house sale dubbed the hardest ever by a solicitor and sales agent (and we know house selling is hard enough), wanting to have children and then finding zero sperm etc, etc. It's like I have life events, and then they are like- yeah, that's not HARD enough for ya. Let's add in a few extra blocks, like not a single swimmer. Yeah- now try it.
But then I question- is this literally just life? Do we all find ourselves fighting?
Or is it that what I do is- hear no or negativity, and I fight it harder than some might fight.
When the cambelt went on the Bongo this year, I rang 8 garages and found quite the solution.
The mechanic standing there giving me the doom and gloom was full of bullshit. I just switched off and heard 'bullshit, bullshit, bullshit' and proceeded to find people who knew what they were on about. I literally paid nearly 200 quid to move it from outside an actual garage prepared to look at it. Nope. I don't believe you have what I need Mr mechanic man, and I will spend a lot of money finding someone else. That isn't what everyone would do, perhaps. Making my life harder as a result. It would have been easier to pay him the money to rummage in the engine charging me more than necessary.
I could have gone through a publishing house. But no, I self-published.
This was the same when I went through fertility treatment or searched for the best schools in the area during Covid. Now I hear many parents (even today in the sauna) sharing their trials and challenges with trying to get into the right schools and waiting YEARS. I researched, found the one stuck to my guns and might as well have been in the office giving Sue a foot massage until the place suddenly came available for Arlo. BFFS with Sue foreva.
Then with my impending Guys hospital call for whether they need to remove my womb so I avoid the same outcome pre-60 as my mother and grandmother. I researched HARD. When the call came last Thursday, I knew what I wanted from it. The universe delivered.
Sure, his manner was…a required taste…but he took a, and I quote, "Holistic view." Wait. A consultant used the word holistic. OK, we will now be BFFS (not that this guy would be the sort), but you get what I am saying. I asked him about research. What research is currently going on with womb cancer? Because it seems so limited. He agreed, and the call was short, sweet, and concise. He was surprised by my lack of questions.
The floor last week. The first guy made me hyperventilate. Same as the AA guy with the car.
I gotta learn, and the universe will keep testing me until I do that. I don't need to take anything at face value.
We don't. You don't.
I am learning slowly that you assess what has happened and then find the best advice before moving forward.
Research.
Read the studies, read reviews, Google it, and find expert Facebook groups or forums. Ask around for more support. Someone will have been through similar.
Once data, ideas, and support have been collected, take the steps forward.
It's harder this way, sure. But the results will be a lot better.
My house quotes were looking to be in the thousands.
We spent £400.
Probs it will be £200 more for a posh ventilation fan.
All are under our control.
And now we understand it. For future reference, we get it.
Same as IVF, the car, dealing with grief, and everything else thrown at me.
The only way we can truly take these small surrendering steps is to be in our bodies.
To truly surrender and lean into the fact that we have trust in the situation, who we are, and the universe's "present" to us.
What lessons and trials are we taking from each thing.
There are still so many situations that feel unnecessarily cruel to people. Like that refugee boat in Greek waters a couple of weeks ago. I struggle with the news of the world, for example.
But, regarding day-to-day navigation, I feel like research is the key.
I dunno what people did before YouTube and Google.
Here for all your thoughts/ experiences.
Naomi x
P.S July mothering is late due to floor life. It is being written this week. Stand by for July mothering as I am so excited about this one as we will chat Mary Magdelene.
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