Living romantically.
With myself.
What would it feel like to deeply, truly and unconditionally fall in love with life, with my life? With the life I have created for myself.
Not just through words. Not just through empty actions. Not just by setting that intention.
But to love my life in a way that makes me feel the love ripple outward to others.
In the year where I navigate grief. The kind of grief that pulls you down so you feel a restriction in your chest. The kind of loss that ripples through the body from deep within the womb.
In the year where I navigate the feelings of knowing my grandmother and mother died just before sixty. In the year where I step over the threshold of thirty into my 'later thirties'. What would it mean to live through 'heart eyes' only?
To know that every day, despite the day, I find a way to bring in romance. To not go to bed angry at the relationship I have with life.
To wake up in a new day filled with hope and joy. Like the day is filled with endless possibilities.
What does it take to wake up like my children, filled with bliss and everything they love?
How can I live deliciously?
How can I devour my life?
What would it take to feel those moments of bliss and appreciate them, notice them and be truly with them?
How can I sit in the in-between moments and find them also delicious? In the non-doing.
What would it take to live with equanimity not just in the three months after my ten-day vipassana but for life? Everyday.
What protectors come in and try to steal away my joy, pleasure, and happiness so I fall out of love with my life?
What small changes do I need to make in my life to fall into the arms of delicious, delirious love and appreciation for the life I have worked so hard to create?
To be present with my children in a non-doing fashion.
To be present in my home without needing to change the wall colour.
To be present with my husband without nit-picking something he has done or hasn't.
To be present with myself so I can enjoy being in my own body that gives me everything I need to live joyfully.
How can I make deep, long, joyful, ecstatic love to my life as I move into my thirty-fifth year despite the challenges 2023 has thrown at me?
As we approach the threshold of Autumn, knowing we are very much deep within the year's second half.
I'm done with saying I want to enjoy life. That means nothing to me. I don't want just to enjoy it. I want to find deep adoration every day.
Because if fifty-seven is all I reach. I don't want to look back wishing, pondering and wondering if there could have been more.
Naomi x
P.S. Your Monday journalling prompt- what feelings, emotions and thoughts arise as you read this post? Write about them as soon as you've reread the words above. Are you in love with your life, or are you grateful? Because I question if there's more to life than just being thankful. Almost as if there's a whole new level to unlock.